This is my life.

So, guess what.  I have only seen Sarah once since the last time. And guess what, I think ignoring her has worked because she doesn't text me anymore.  Sadly, I was probably mean. But I don't care. I even thought of what I would tell her the next time I see her.  I won't tell you because I don't remember. It's almost 5 am and I should be asleep but I screwed up that sleep schedule a long time ago.

Do you ever feel like your life is a big fucking mistake? I am still deciding if I want to cuss in this blog, but I don't even think anybody will ever read it so who cares.

When I  write my mind goes so much faster than my hands I feel like I need to write down everything at once before I forget something. I could be so productive if I really tried. But I'm so easily distracted. I mean I am very smart, people tell me that a lot.  My best friend, who I have a back story for for another time, we will call her... Dawna. Funky spelling, I know. I love it.  But Donna told me that she and our mutual friend... Ashleigh, were talking about me, and said that I am the laziest smart person they know. Because I am very smart, but I never try, and that if I tried, I could be unstoppable. But motivation and will power have always been a struggle for me.  Like tonight, I am supposed to meet a group of people tomorrow at 3 pm to go over our lab journals for organic chemistry, but I only just started like an hour ago, and have barely worked on it at all. I was supposed to be working on it ll semester, but I didn't start until today.

It's due in 3.5 days after my 3rd test in that class, which I haven't really studied for at all.

What is wrong with me? I am too addicted to food and youtube and myself that I never accomplish anything. I always get stressed and overwhelmed when I have to work on something that I don't enjoy. I am OCD, but only selectively.

Like, I was watching a netflix movie for extra credit for my chemistry class, and the mouse was on the title bar thingy, for half of the movie. I started having a panic attack and I could't look at the screen anymore. Like who DOES that?!

Remember those 900 index cards I bought? I've barely used any of them. And now I'm really sad because I really wanted A's in two of my classes, but I am probably going to get really high B's because I didn't study enough for either of them. I am also half in love with my teacher. But who cares about that. He's twice my age, married, with 4 kids.

The new Coldplay album came out. It's really good. I love most of the songs. Except Kaleidescope, and Color Spectrum.  Idk how to spell, shut up.

I need to go to bed.

But I am so grateful to have my best friend in my life again. Dawna is the like the best thing to ever happen to me.  Not gonna lie though, I would do anything for her and something I do things like avoid homework and responsibilities so I can spend more time with her. But would I do them anyway? Idk.

Earlier in our relationship I would always feel motivated to study when I was around her. Now I just want to goof off and have a good time. I think it's because now I live alone and am lonely. I'm getting a roommate soon, though. That should be interesting given that I haven't washed the dishes in like 2 weeks and am a huge slob. Was never that way when I lived with my sister.  But she left me, so now I'm alone and I don't take care of anything. Mold, however, is a big no-no for me so I don't let that stick around. I'm not about to get sick.

I get semi-depressed a lot. Because I'm so disappointed in all of my decisions. I make terrible ones constantly because I am addicted to immediate satisfaction and pleasure. That's why I eat food, because I don't worry about consequences. I've taken on a YOLO attitude for too many things, and now my life is falling apart.

Hope you enjoyed by fruitless, boring blog.

Bye.